Science: Chimps Use Spear

Well this is just disconcerting:

WASHINGTON — Chimpanzees living on the West African savanna have been observed fashioning spears from sticks and using them to hunt small mammals — the first routine production of deadly weapons observed in animals other than humans.

The chimps were repeatedly seen using their hands and teeth to tear the side branches off long straight sticks and peeling back the bark and sharpening one end of the sticks with their teeth, the researchers report in Thursday's online issue of the journal Current Biology. Then, grasping the weapon in a "power grip," they jabbed into tree-branch hollows where bush babies — small monkey-like mammals — sleep during the day.

After stabbing their prey, they removed the injured or dead animal and ate it.

Lead researcher Jill D. Pruetz of Iowa State University in Ames said it reminded her of the shower scene in "Psycho."

The new observations are "stunning," said Craig Stanford, a primatologist and professor of anthropology at USC.

"Really fashioning a weapon to get food — I'd say that's a first for any nonhuman animal."

Fellow researcher Paco Bertolani of Cambridge University in England saw an adolescent female chimp use a spear to stab a bush baby as it slept in a tree hollow, pull it out and eat it.

Pruetz thought it was a fluke, but then saw similar weapon- making herself "over the course of 19 days almost daily," she said.

It was typically females who displayed the behavior.

This is a picture of a "bush baby," the chimp's prey:



So, not only are chumps using tools to hunt, they're remorselessly hunting cute furry things with huge eyes that would make me break down into cooing baby noises if I saw it. This is clear evidence of their superior evolution. The next phases of which are obvious:





Extra bonus points if you recognize that the first pic is from the obscure Sunday morning show Ark II. Also, here are clips from the Simpsons Planet of the Apes, the musical. "Dr. Zaius! Dr. Zaius!"

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Monica Bellucci

A year ago La Femme Nikita posted this picture of Monica Bellucci.


In the past week, this blog has gotten an extra hundred or so hits per day, all from people looking for pictures of Monica Bellucci.

I have no idea who Monica Bellucci is. I think Monica Bellucci was the voice of Kaileena in a Prince of Persia game. I don't know why a half naked Monica Bellucci draws so many people to my blog this week. Did Monica Bellucci new suddenly become popular? Was there some sort of Monica Bellucci tryst I don't know about? Is there a Monica Bellucci lingerie line of cloths? Is there a Monica Bellucci sex movie floating around that people are looking for? Have I mentioned that I recently learned that repeating a phase, such as Monica Bellucci, with common search terms, such as Monica Bellucci sex lingerie tryst, moves your blog up in the Google ranking without actually saying anything offensive to anyone? Monica Bellucci.

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Happy Valentine's Day

If only I had a girlfriend, I could buy her this. Of course, my sense of humor might explain why I don't have a girlfriend. Oh well.

Hat tip to Neatorama.

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Distraction: Hardest Video Game Boss Ever

Ah, my wasted youth. I wish I could live it again, so that I could waste it on better video games.

Hat tip to Extra Life and Game Diggity.

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Distraction: Humvee vs. School Bus

And the winner is.... School Bus!



Shortly thereafter AM General announced that the new H4 would be able to mow down childern no matter how they're transported. I can't wait to see the commercial.

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Odd quote for the day:

From Salon:

In an interview with the editorial board of the Bucks County Courier Times, embattled Pennsylvania Sen. Rick Santorum has equated the war in Iraq with J.R.R. Tolkien's "Lord of the Rings." According to the paper, Santorum said that the United States has avoided terrorist attacks at home over the past five years because the "Eye of Mordor" has been focused on Iraq instead.

"As the hobbits are going up Mount Doom, the Eye of Mordor is being drawn somewhere else," Santorum said. "It's being drawn to Iraq and it's not being drawn to the U.S. You know what? I want to keep it on Iraq. I don't want the Eye to come back here to the United States."

OK, I'm lost. Are we hobbits, and if so, is America (where the hobbits are at this point in the story) Mount Doom? Does George W. Bush have the Al-Qaeda Ring of Power on a necklace, and the entire Iraq debacle is just a distraction in order for him to buy enough time to destroy it? Is that why he's on "vacation" so often?

Whatever the case, I would like to say that I oppose using the American armed forces in general, and my little brother (a Combat Medic who spent a year fighting near Fallujah) specifically, as fly-paper for Islamic fundamentalists.

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Distraction: Monks Brawl at Peace Protest

Sadly, I couldn't find anything on Youtube for this article.

COLOMBO (Reuters) - Protesters calling for an end to recent violence in Sri Lanka found themselves brawling with hardline Buddhist monks Thursday, after a rally dubbed a "peace protest" turned unexpectedly violent.

Organizers said there were around 1,000 people in a park in the capital, Colombo, listening to a range of speakers when hardline saffron-robed monks opposed to concessions to Tamil Tiger rebels mounted the stage and erected banners.

Some more moderate Buddhist monks, protesting for peace, were already on the stage when punches were thrown. Soon, monks' robes and fists were flying.

Hat tip to ChuBlogga.

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Distraction: Buffy

Here is the original, unaired pilot for Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I love all things Whedonesque, and was surprised I never saw this before. Good call on his part though, I think the "real" first episode was better. Worth watching though, even if the film quality is low.

Also, here is the French soccer player head butting the Italian player in the World Cup (which I thought was a really random thing - do Frenchmen not know how to punch?) Also, has anyone noticed how small the World Cup is?


Just saying. If Americans cared more about this sport, I'm pretty sure the World Cup would be as big as humanly possible, as long as you could lift it over your head.

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Distraction: Spider Man Trailer

Because I'm a huge dork. Enjoy.



Also, according to the internet, my super hero personality is Spiderman. You can take the test here.

Hat tips to Mike, Prof B., and Andrew Sullivan.

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Distraction: Batwoman is a Lesbian

For decades, comic books have been the primary source of teenage fantasies - robots fighting ninjas, kids who develop super powers during puberty, women who fight crime in revealingly tight spandex, etc. And now they are taking the next logical step:

Years after she first emerged from the Batcave, Batwoman is coming out of the closet. DC Comics is resurrecting the classic comic book character as a lesbian, unveiling the new Batwoman in July as part of an ongoing weekly series that began this year.

The 5-foot-10 superhero comes with flowing red hair, knee-high red boots with spiked heels, and a form-fitting black outfit.

Artist's rendition of new Batwoman.

My preference for the new Batwoman.

Not that this is new or anything. In fact [insert homophobic Robin is gay joke here] for years!

Anywho, good for DC Comics. It makes sense from a marketing standpoint, and with any luck it will drive the Pat Robertsons of the world nuts to see a classic comic book character portrayed in an alternative light.

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Distraction: Because I want to give you nightmares.

Japanese American Idol on LSD.

Stolen from Max.

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Distraction: The Evolution of Dance

Thanks to Chublogga for the link.



Gives whole new meaning to the phrase "dance like nobody's watching."

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Distraction: Ask a Ninja

This is a funny website with some great interviews.

"What's it like being a ninja?"

...

"It's really hard to explain to somebody who's not a ninja. It's like the Jews, you know. They can't explain to anybody what it is to be a Jew. We're not a race, its not a job, we're not an entertainment company, we're lots of things. So, you know, its like being a very deadly Jew.

"It's kind of like trying to explain Final Fantasy XIII to a lemon."

This website proves that if there is a God, he has a sense of humor, and he's probably a ninja.

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Distraction: Personality Test

Fun personality test that I found a link to on Death Quaker's blog. It's essentially an enneagram test. I enjoy personality tests, even if I know how every question is going to show up in the results, thus ruining part of the fun.

Here's how I did:

Advocating Leader

Each of the colors represents an aspect of personality - though the "mouse over" function doesn't seem to work in blogger. But you get the point, and if you take the test you can compare.

Without going into a discussion on Jungian psychology, these things tend to be mostly accurate, but with a long list of caveats. They work best if you think of a particular role in your life (professional, romantic, family, friends, etc.) and answer all of the questions based on how you act in that role. Some people are the same or similar in every role, but most people act differently under different circumstances. If you don't have the time to take such a test more then once (I didn't, it takes about 10 minutes) you should take it while thinking about the role which is most important to you in your life.

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Distraction: Cavalcade of Things to Do Other Than Work

Thanks to Mikey for forwarding me these:

The Chef

Great Slim Goodbody parody. Don't remember Slim Goodbody?....Lucky you.

After you watch this you get to say "You never heard of Clone High? Hmph...typical. (MAY NOT BE SAFE FOR WORK 22min long)

Fun flash game

Swedish Chef - making chocolate moose

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Distraction: Least PC Commercial Ever

Can be found right here.

Why is it that funny liberal media focuses on how conservatives are stupid or corrupt, but funny conservative media focuses on screwing or killing liberals? Liberals think we're better then everyone else - conservatives just want you to die? Sadly, I think they win in that match up.

Hat tip to Wizbang.

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Distraction: Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny

Funny Flash video to distract you for two minutes.

It's by Lemon Demon. While only 19, this kid apparently has more talent then 90% of the bands out there. God bless the internet.

Here's a list of his free MP3's which you can download.

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Distraction: Worth 1000

Like most people, I'm at the height of my creativity when I use the work of other, more creative individuals. My favorite creative people to ste... uh, borrow ideas from, post their work at Worth 1000.

Also, if you ever have any ideas and a picture to go with them, send them to me. Humor is the intersection of art and pain. I've got the pain part down, so I need your help with the art.

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Distraction: Brokeback Mountain in 30 seconds

It's been a really slow news week so far.




So if you're bored, like I am, this link will alleviate it for 30 seconds. Maybe less.

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Distraction: Natalie Portman on SNL

Freaking Hilarious. Can be seen here. Now I love her even more.

I missed it over the weekend (and by missed, I mean I never bother to watch SNL because it's rarely funny anymore and I've got better things to do on Saturday night) but Mikey was nice enough to TiVo it and tell me about it.

Scroll down to "Rap" for the funniest video - its the one with the black and white picture of her face in close-up.

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