Demotivational Friday: Tattoos

When I first saw this picture here, I thought, in order:

1) Wow, that's hot.
2) How is she going to level up if her experience point bar is only 1/3 full?
3) I hope that's a Photoshopped picture, or if its not, I hope she has very stable employment.

It's not. MC Router is actually a rockin nerdcore singer. People in cool bands can get away with things that the rest of us can't. And sufficiently attractive women can pretty much get away with anything in this country. I'm pretty sure she could just walk into a Best Buy wearing a bikini and drive out undeterred on a forklift with a 63" Flat Screen Plasma HDTV.

I've never understood the need to reify your childhood hobby, favorite animal, or a random Chinese character that probably doesn't mean what you think it means onto your body in odd locations. I've changed so much between age 19 and 29 that I'm essentially an entirely different person. My outlook on life, my faith, my sense of humor, how I talk to people, how I spend my time - so much of me is different. Who knows who I will be when I'm 39 or 49 or 109? So there is literally no symbol or picture that I would indelibly have put on my skin. And even if there was, what good does it do me or anyone else to see my favorite risotto recipe on my tattoed shoulder?

All things considered, I would like to say that I'm not anti-tattoo, they're just not my thing. And I encourage attractive women to continue to get them in conspicuous places.

...full post

collapse post

Demotivational Friday: Science

Not my best work. But when I saw the picture in an article about how Bush toured an ethanol plant I couldn't stop laughing., and I just knew that I had to use it with a quote from Dr. Strangelove. I also considered some sort of long paranoid rant about fluoride, but it wouldn't fit into the caption.

Note to politicians: You look stupid when you dress in anything but a suit or casual business attire, especially military uniforms or lab attire. Resist the urge to do something cool and different. It'll make you look like an idiot.

...full post

collapse post

Demotivational Friday: Recruitment

Today was a group effort, with every team member contributing a witty remark.

Me:


Sneezy D:



Qui Gonn:


La Femme:



Mike adds that this is nothing to joke about. The military is serious about recruiting suicidal teens. The really scary this is that they're putting them all in the same unit. He saw it in this video:



And just to tie this all into more insanity, do to the increase pressure of war, the military has recently decided to recruit people with felony convictions.

So if you want to kill yourself or other Americans that's fine. But if you're gay then somehow that will cause a morale problem.

...full post

collapse post

Demotivational Friday: Tragedy

When I saw this I wanted to burn my retinas out. In case you haven't heard, Daniel Radcliffe is staring as Alan Strang in a production of Equus, a play about a 17 year old boy who has a pathological sexual fascination with horses. Seriously, I can't even make stuff up this crazy.

...full post

collapse post

Demotivational Friday: Recession

Artist Dulce Pinzón took photographs of immigrant workers dressed as superheroes (I'm assuming she asked them to dress this way for the picture, and that an Aquaman uniform is not the company's official dress code. Though if it were, that would be awesome). The series is called "The Real Story of the Superheroes." It is her tribute to the people who work long hours in lousy conditions for little money, much of which they then send home to their families in Mexico.

From Pinzón's website:

The Mexican economy has quietly become dependent on the money sent from workers in the US. Conversely, the US economy has quietly become dependent on the labor of Mexican immigrants. Along with the depth of their sacrifice, it is the quietness of this dependence which makes Mexican immigrant workers a subject of interest.

The principal objective of this series is to pay homage to these brave and determined men and women that somehow manage, without the help of any supernatural power, to withstand extreme conditions of labor in order to help their families and communities survive and prosper.

Hat tip to Boing Boing.

...full post

collapse post

Demotivational Friday: Accountability

I considered the description of, "I didn't do it." But the kid obviously is happy he did it. Ahh, too be young, fearless, and in love with paint.

...full post

collapse post

Demotivational Friday: Resolutions

Couldn't decide which angle I like better, so you get both. Hope everyone made it home safe and sound with at least 80% of their body mass still contained within them, and not on a bathroom floor somewhere.

...full post

collapse post

Demotivational Friday: PowerPoint

I'm taking time off to travel and see friends and family for the holidays. So send me your favorite cookie recipes. Blogging will be light until the New Year. Enjoy. Happy everything.

...full post

collapse post

Demotivational Friday: Awesome

Qui Gonn Jesse was cool enough to email this to me. Enjoy.

...full post

collapse post

Demotivational Friday: Astronomy

So as you probably know, Pluto is no longer a planet. This is going to screw up test scores and lesson plans everywhere. I actually think it would be best for teachers to come up with a new acronym to memorize the planets. That way, it this important change will stick in the minds of kids better. I suggest:

My Vasectomy Effects Many Japanese Singles Until November.

Just try forgetting that.

I have to say, I think I’ll miss Pluto. Now that its no longer a planet, who knows what we'll think of whenever someone mentions it?




I love astronomy, but it’s always been more elemental to me then scientific. Knowing the planets is like knowing about the 27th Amendment to the Constitution. They could remove the 27th for not being important enough, and really, it would have almost no impact on any of us. But hey, you shouldn’t mess with the Constitution. I imagine that if I had lived during the time of Copernicus, I would have thought something similar. “Hey Nicolaus, your heliocentric theory of the solar system is amazing. I read De Revolutionibus Orbium Coelestium cover to cover, and I have to say that your logic is inescapable. By the way, dedicating it Pope Paul III was a brilliantly shrewd move. But seriously, I think we all sort of enjoy thinking of the Earth as the center of the universe, and I don’t think we’re actually going to go to space for another 400 years. So try not to discover anything else for a while so that we can all catch up. Now, I’m off to the barber to get some leeches. Later.”

...full post

collapse post

Demotivational Friday: Politics

This bizarreness of this story surprises even me:

A "presidential bust" of Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton was unveiled Wednesday at New York's Museum of Sex, where sculptor Daniel Edwards hopes it will spark discussion about sex, politics and celebrity.

Edwards, the artist who also created a life-size nude of Britney Spears giving birth on a bear-skin rug, said he wanted to capture Clinton's age and femininity in the sculpture.

Clinton's office had no immediate comment.

Here's the discussion I think this will spark - Daniel Edwards is a media whore. Talk amongst yourselves.

As an aside, for some reason, NPR went with an even more provocative picture of the same bust:

I guess there really is a liberal media.

The quote from the Demotivator, in case you're wondering, is from Herodotus.

...full post

collapse post

Demotivational Friday: Stupidity (again)

The first Stupidity was better. Meh.

...full post

collapse post

Demotivational Friday: Hypocrisy

I dare you to try and explain this joke to someone without showing them the actual picture.

And if you really want a challenge, try explaining it without apologizing for being pseudo-racist, or prefacing it by saying that "your black friend" emailed it to you.

...full post

collapse post

Demotivational Friday: Advertising

...full post

collapse post

Demotivational Friday: Family

...full post

collapse post

Demotivational Friday: Arrogance (a third time)

The picture is from Geno's, of course.

I remember when I was a store clerk, I did my best to treat the customers with respect. It wasn't until years later that I learned that respecting customers is actually counter-productive (from the perspective of store clerks, at least). When you're a clerk, your goal is for fewer people to come to your store, not more. If your store sells something necessary enough, it will continue to stay in business, no matter how poorly you treat your customers. Just look at any cell phone company. And even if you drive them out of business, you can just get another crappy job at their competitor or anywhere else. While good jobs are hard to get, lousy jobs are quite abundant in this country. So I'm really not sure why everyone in retail don't treat all customers like garbage.

In fact, immediately after writing my scathing blog entry about Geno's, I desperately wanted an authentic Philly cheese steak. Now, had I the time to take the train from DC to Philly, I would have gone to Pat's across the street instead. But if Pat's line was too long, I would go to Geno's, because I need the cheese steak more then I need to be politically correct. Sad, but true.

And if you think you're so much better then me, just try to not to spend money at Walmart (employs illegal immigrants, allows stores to refuse to sell birth control), McDonald's (sells Grade D meat and other poison), Amazon.com (refuses to let workers unionize, forces unpaid overtime and night shifts), Domino’s Pizza (funds a variety of whacko right wing causes), Clear Channel (monopolizes most radio stations and concert venues, shuts out small bands who refuse to sign ludicrous contracts) and every gas company (price gouging, environmental disasters) for one year. Then call me and tell me how morally superior you are. I dare you.

Anywho, here are my two previous Arrogance Demotivators. It's too bad I couldn't find a picture of Cheney at Geno's, but that's the way things work out sometimes.

...full post

collapse post

Demotivational Friday: Spite

Thanks to Missie for emailing me the pic. I'm pretty sure this is the Holland Tunnel, but I'm not 100%. Meh.

...full post

collapse post

Demotivational Friday: Experience

Not to nitpick on amputee veterans, but I would have used:

Want this? Call:
1-800-GO-ARM-Y

1-800-GO-ARMY is the actual Army recruitment 800 number, and has an extra "go arm/arm gone" double entendre worked into it.

Also, I realize I've been particularly bitter this week, what with the world being dragged into Hades and all. So here's a picture of a puppy and a kitten sleeping:


Don't say I never did anything for you.

...full post

collapse post

Demotivational Friday: Irony

Many thanks to Sneezy D for taking this week's picture and sending it to me, and to Qui Gonn Jesse for coming up with the caption. Sneezy also had the sad but true observation that they could call it Black Rancid Death and people would still eat it.

An additional irony that's layered into the picture that people may not notice is that these advertisements for access to Food Stamps and McDonald's are hung on the side of ANOTHER RESTAURANT.

"Gee Max, how should we advertise our business, and convince people to eat here."

"Maybe we should display an ad for our competitors. Or we could display an ad for how people can get food for free, but not at any restaurant. That'll work."

...full post

collapse post

Demotivational Friday: Competition

Don't bother praying to Jesus for help on this sorta thing. Seriously, he doesn't care.

...full post

collapse post