Thursday, September 29, 2005

Li'l FEMA Rascals


Dateline: Edmond, Oklahoma, mid-November, 1950, Mrs. Perlmutter's fourth grade class.

Mrs. P: And just where is your book report, little Mikey Brown?
Brown: Book Report? We were supposed to do a book report?
Mrs. P: It was only assigned the first day of school, Mikey.
Brown: Uhh...I was completely unprepared for this, Missus Perlmutter!!
Mrs. P: Very well, you receive an F for the assignment.
Brown: Do I still get recess?
Mrs. P: Mmm... yes. (Groans from the classroom)
Brown: Both?
Mrs. P: Mmmm...
Brown: Oh, c'mon, pretty please?
Mrs. P: Oh, alright. (More groans)
Mrs. P: (recovering) but only if you help little Davey Paulison in his report on "What Thanksgiving Means to Me."
Brown: You got it, Missus Perlmutter!

(A week passes)

Mrs. P: Davey? Mikey? Where's my report?
Boys: Uh...We forgot, Missus Perlmutter.
Brown: Oh, and Missus Perlmutter? The copy of the book you gave me to write the report on had lots of ripped pages, and scribble scrabble all over it. The book was completely dys.. dys...
Mrs. P: Dysfunctional?
Brown: Yeah, yeah, that's it. I shouldn't have gotten an F, it's not my fault.

What next, people? Are Gov. Rick Perry, and Bill White and the other mayors of Texas about to fall under the accusing pointer finger of li'l Mikey Brown? This is just another case of the gov't. being nothing more than a No-Homerz Club just worried about what it can get for itself. FEMA's ENTIRE POINT OF EXISTENCE (yes, I had to yell) is to be the flagship in helping our American citizens when these things happen. And they DO happen. And in the year 2005, with all of this crazy technology available to us peons, and the absoludicrous amount more available if you're in the NHC, you mean to tell me they WEREN'T PREPARED?? Li'l Mikey Brown should go to bed without dessert forever, as far as I'm concerned. And no, that's not a veiled threat...just an allusion to the analogy I wrote above. He shouldn't be kicking back, getting paid to do nothing. He should be wondering how he's going to pay his mortgage. He should be sitting on a milk crate while Alfonso Ribeiro takes his couch away.

Just my pair of Copper Lincolns...



Madeja look! :)
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